Merry Christmas!

I know it's not quite yet Christmas, but I'm not sure when I'll have a chance to post again. Tomorrow (or Sunday - it depends on whether we can get everything done in time or not), the family and I are leaving for Strasbourg to spend a week with the grandparents. Strasbourg is in the extreme east of France (next to Germany), whereas Nantes is near the Atlantic coast. I have heard that it is a beautiful area and very cold, with lots of snow, so I think I'll feel right at home for Christmas. Here in Nantes, it's starting to cool down a lot, but it's still nothing compared to Minnesota in the winter. It's more like early November in Minnesota.

Thanks to all of you for your congratulatory words! I appreciate your rejoicing and giving thanks to God with me! Please keep me in prayer, as over the next few months, I'm going to have to make the decision as to where I'm going to go. Obviously, I want to go the U of M. And I want to stay in Minnesota. But there are financial factors playing into this as well, and I'm going to have to consider the opportunity costs of one school vis à vis another.

All right, it's time for me to hit the road. I have to stop by the Mayor's office today - I still haven't gotten my residency permit - and then I have to do some Christmas shopping.

Merry Christmas to all of you, and may God bless your time with your families as you celebrate the birth of our Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ!

I feel like crying

...tears of JOY! I just got an email from my Mom. Yesterday, when she got home from work, there was a message for me on the answering machine from the University of Minnesota Law School's Office of Admissions. They are sending me my letter of acceptance this week! All right, I am crying now. I've been dreaming of going to law school for over four years - ever since my first year at the U. Coming out of high school, I had some bad grades on my transcript from my postsecondary enrollment option program (I took college courses during high school). I know that I could have done better in those courses, but I lacked motivation for life in general, and, by extension, school. Back then, I had no reason to live, no reason to keep going. I was living for myself but didn't like myself very much, so I sought acceptance in other people and tried to fill the aching void in my soul. When I started my studies at the U of M, I was motivated to do well in school again - but I was still doing it for myself. That first semester, I had a meeting with my counselor. I told her that I was starting to consider law school. With a shake of her head, she informed me that law schools are looking for high GPAs. As I said, my grades from my PSEO courses left something to be desired. My counselor told me that I should probably start considering other options. That conversation branded itself on my impressionable mind, and I began to think of law school as a pipe dream. But I never let go of the idea. My second semester at the U, God revealed Himself to me, and I couldn't look back. Over the rest of my time at the U, I was born again, baptized in water and in the Holy Spirit, and I started to have a real relationship with the Lord. He became my reason for living, even if I forgot it and tried to go it alone at times (and still do - I die daily). After graduating with honors and an excellent GPA from the U, I started to realize that getting into law school, even the highly ranked U of M, may not be entirely out of my reach. So I put myself to work at studying for the LSAT. My logic was that if I could get an extremely high score on that test, I would be assured admission anywhere. I was obsessed with that test. When I got my score back, although I did well, I was admittedly disappointed that I had not hit a 170. But that test is water under the bridge now, because I GOT INTO MY FIRST CHOICE SCHOOL!

What a great feeling this is. Now that the initial euphoria has settled down a little, I'm able to look at this objectively and remark that I know that law school is going to be difficult. If I've learned anything so far in my time here in France, it's that experiences like this that are worth having are also HARD. I never dreamed that being an au pair could be this draining - and I know that I really don't have it so tough. But the thing that I need to remember - right now, when things are a little bit rocky here, AND in the future, when law school gets rough - is that I am doing my work for the Lord, not unto men. That includes myself. If I'm working really hard for myself, I will eventually run out of steam. But if I am living wholeheartedly unto the Lord, He will give me the grace to keep going. Likewise, I am not working for other people here - I am working for the Lord.

Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men...(Colossians 3:23)

I guess I spoke too soon...

Yeah, so much for driving the kids around on Wednesday. No, no, I didn't crash the car or anything. But Caroline is nervous about my driving because it's not automatic enough yet - meaning that I have to concentrate too much while I'm driving, and having the kids in the car will make it difficult to do that. So now I feel like I'm back to square one. Discouraging.

Communication is obviously a challenge when you are doing it in another language. When it's really important that I effectively explain what I'm trying to get across, I find myself unable to do it with exactness, because I lack the words in French. That's a problem for me. I do not like to be misunderstood, because miscommunications cause tensions and other problems. Around here lately, there seems to have been an unreasonable number of miscommunications about important things. Frustrating.

Thankfully, I know that I can and must rejoice in my trials, because God promised that the testing of my faith will develop perseverance. Now just to remember that and not give in to the discouragement!

On a more encouraging note, I had a great time last night with Louise (11 years old). Initially, I felt like we had a pretty good connection. But it seems to me that the relationship hasn't grown very much over the past month, and sometimes I worry that things will turn out like they have with other au pairs that they've had (that is, the au pair would spend a lot of time on the boys, since they are younger and need more attention, and the relationship between Louise and the au pair would go sour). I've looked for ways to connect with her and have had limited success. Last night, she needed help with her homework. She was frustrated because of all the homework she had to do and didn't think that she would be able to figure it out. She is very intelligent, but, as I've said, is somewhat of a perfectionist. So, like me, she sometimes doesn't even want to start something because of the fear of potentially not being able to understand it. Last night, that's what she was doing. I was nervous about trying to help her, because it can be hard for me to understand the instructions for the homework. The work is relatively simple (sixth grade level - I should hope I would be able to figure it out!), but as the instructions are in French, I have trouble understanding exactly what needs to be done. Last night, I plunged in anyway and was able to figure out what needed to be done and then help her with the questions she didn't understand. I got to explain to her the meanings of some words, the dictionary definitions of which she didn't understand. I let her explain the math to me (which she didn't think she knew how to do). She was surprised to find out that she really understood it. I told her that I think teaching someone else is a great way to learn something. She agreed. It was so much fun! I love teaching people. I don't think I would want to be a teacher in a classroom, because I really like to work one on one with people. Someday, when I have kids of my own, I want to homeschool them. People have so much learning potential, and I think that being able to work at their own pace and also having someone there to guide them and answer their questions allows them to reach their full potential. I can't wait!

I'll keep you all up to date on the driving situation. Hopefully there will be a change soon. As I said, it's causing a lot of problems. If any manual transmission driving expert wants to volunteer to fly over to France to give me personalized lessons in English, we could probably arrange that! Let me know...;)

My First Letter of Acceptance Has Arrived!

Law school, here I come! I received in the mail on Monday my first letter of acceptance for law school. The letter was from William and Mary, which is in Virginia. My first choice is Minnesota, but I applied to about ten schools, a combination of very highly ranked first tier schools, which are more of a long shot (University of Chicago, Northwestern University, University of Virginia), first tier schools that are about at my level, if not a little above (William and Mary, Minnesota, Wisconsin, George Washington), and some schools in Minnesota that are ranked lower and are more of a sure thing (William Mitchell, Hamline, and St. Thomas). I will also be putting in my application at the University of Michigan (a top school). I applied to William and Mary and George Washington (both located in Virginia) because they waived my application fee. I received many fee wavers from lower ranked schools, but I didn't bother applying to the ones that were out of state - why would I want to leave Minnesota to go to a lower ranked school in another state? So I thought I would apply to the first tier schools that offered me fee waivers, just to see whether I would get in and what type of scholarships, if any, they would offer me. Well, William and Mary is offering me over $14,000 per year as a graduate fellowship (would require me to work on research projects 8 hours per week). Sweet, huh? As I said, I really would rather stay in Minnesota, and if I get into the U, I'm almost positive that I'll go there...it all depends on which schools admit me and how much money they're willing to give me to attend their school. So once the acceptance/rejection letters start pouring in, I'm going to have to really be weighing my options. And I'll have to be careful not to agonize, which is a tendency of mine; rather, I will stay in prayer and let God lead me.

Getting that first acceptance letter is so exciting for me. It's hard to describe the feeling, but I put SO much work into the law school application process (mainly the LSAT; also the personal statement and letters of recommendation), and now I'm finally seeing the fruits of my labor. Until I got word that the letter had arrived for me, law school had taken a back burner in my mind - one can only concentrate on so many things at one time, and I have my hands full here. The work is not over yet; I still have one or more applications to complete, financial aid paperwork, scholarship applications, thank you letters to deans of admission, etc. But now there are tangible results to keep me going.

In other news, I ventured into downtown Nantes yesterday with my little black Punto. Can you guess what transpired? It's a word with which I'm becoming quite familiar: disaster! Initially, I had complained about how difficult the roundabouts made learning to drive a stick shift. Now, roundabouts are my friend, because I am not required to stop (at least not in tiny Vertou, where traffic is relatively light). All of the stoplights in downtown Nantes make driving there horrible! There are also many roundabouts situated on hills. The traffic is thick at all times of the day. Ugh. Not good. When I stop at a red light, I have to put the car back into first gear. I can do it, but I'm still a little bit slow at it. Well, when there is no one behind you, it's not really an issue, but when there are 30 cars stacked up and you are being slow, it's a nightmare. I can't even count how many times I've stalled because I was in a hurry, worried about the people in the cars behind me getting mad. As you can imagine, having me STALL in the road makes them a lot madder than just having me take a little longer to put it into gear. So I actually figured that out yesterday and the stalling incidents decreased immensely. But the roundabouts on the hills were horrible. It was true stop and go traffic. I was crawling along at a snail pace, and then I would have to stop. On a hill. So I would have to put her back into first gear and then go for another two feet, only to stop and repeat the whole thing. And when people stop behind you, they stop RIGHT behind you, even on hills. I'm thinking, Do you want me to roll back into you or what? Ugh. Then I got extremely lost. I knew there was a map in the glove compartment, but there is no place to stop. Nowhere at all. So I was forced to keep driving. All the signs said Paris/Angers - definitely not the way home. Then I drove the wrong way down a one-way street. I got some interesting looks from people. Of course, I prayed that God would get me home, and I then immediately figured out where I was. But by the time I got home (I had been on my way to class but completely missed it because of the disaster), I was truly surprised that I and the car were unscathed and that I hadn't been apprehended by the police or that no one had attempted to make a citizen's arrest! So that probably wasn't the brightest idea in the world, although it now makes driving in Vertou look like child's play. And in a way, I feel proud of myself for attempting to stretch my Concrete-Sequentialness. But I think I'll be staying away from downtown Nantes for a while - at least when I'm in the car. Today is my first day to be driving the kids - pray for me if you think of it! There is no school on Wednesdays here (although they do have school for half a day on Saturdays), so I'll be carting them to and from their various activities. Finally, I can actually start doing my job. Hooray! And thanks to all of you who have sent me recipes. I will keep you posted as to how they turn out. I'm going to take a leisurely walk now, and then it's back to the grind.

A très bientôt!

La Cuisine Française

So, cooking...not quite as dangerous and exciting as the driving adventures, but a close second. I mentioned before that I was intimidated at the prospect of cooking the evening meals, given that, well, I'm in France, and the people here are French and eat French meals. Imagine that.

A typical French meal consists of the following: first, an entrée, which can be either hot or cold. I've never understood why the menus in American restaurants list main courses as "entrées." Anyway, a typical entrée for a weeknight meal would be either a soup (cream-based, of course) or a cold vegetable dish - for example, tomatoes with a sauce vinaigrette (olive oil and vinegar - I still haven't really figured out how much to use), beats with walnuts, shredded carrots with vinaigrette, cold canned corn...They eat the entrée on a small plate first, and then they have the main course with a side dish (potatoes, rice, pasta, etc.) on the regular plate. For the main course, it could be anything, but they typically use a lot of heavy cream. I've eaten things in the past three and a half weeks that I never thought I would (I'm not too big on creamy things): a very creamy zucchini casserole, a creamy cauliflower casserole au gratin (yikes), raw oysters...and even - gasp - orange cheese! Can you believe it? But notice that I didn't say "yellow cheese;" I said "orange cheese." They actually don't have yellow cheese here (yellow cheese is a term that I coined to refer to cheddar, including white cheddar, American, and marbled cheeses, all of which I detest and refuse to eat). The orange cheese that I ate is actually Mimolette, and it tastes very much like Parmesan. After the main course, the French have a green salad with cheese and baguette. During the week, we don't normally bother with that, but for fancier meals, that's the way it's done. Apparently they eat the salad (with vinaigrette - surprisingly, no creamy bottled salad dressings) and cheese at the same time to aid the digestion (makes sense, I guess). My first night here, Caroline had set up the dinner in the dining room and made it a bit fancier than a normal weeknight meal. The entrée was on the table, as was the salad. I couldn't figure out why no one was taking any salad. She asked me if I wanted anything else, so I took some salad. I thought that was the whole meal, and then she brought out the main course! So French people eat big meals. After dinner, they take a "dessert" - and by "dessert," they mean yogurt or a piece of fruit. When Americans say they're going to have dessert, they mean ice cream or cake or bars - the French eat a little container of yogurt for their Calcium and then maybe a Clementine. I think it's actually a nice balance. I've noticed the past few weeks that I've started to become more "French" in that aspect. Yesterday for lunch (I was eating by myself), I took my little plate and had my tomato entrée, then ate my main course (and I've noticed that I've begun to acclimate to the cream), then tore off a piece of baguette and spread some stinky French cheese on it. French cheese, by the way, does smell horrible, but it's SO good. It does not taste like it smells.

So my problem with the cooking is trying to come up with ideas for what to make. It's not as if I can just look up American recipes - I suppose I could, but I don't think they'd like it. The challenge is trying to find recipes that are simple and fit with the French way of eating. Since I'm new at this, the housekeeper or Caroline either make the dinner ahead of time or tell me what to do. Last night, however, that didn't happen. Yikes! What a disaster! We were running low on groceries, so I had no idea what to make for the main course. I can usually bluff my way through the entrée ("Uh...here you go, kids - tomatoes again!"), but the main course is a different story. Because I'm trying to watch 4 kids at the same time, the meal can't be complicated. The housekeeper had mentioned before she left that there were some sausages in the fridge. So I threw those in a pot. I had found a good entrée recipe for carrots online, so I was trying to make that, but it was taking a long time (peeling and shredding carrots is hard when they're super tiny). At the same time, I was trying to feed Léopold. Sometimes if I'm working in the kitchen, I'll let him eat on his own and help him just a little. He's actually getting pretty good at it. Last night, though, he was not in good form. He ended up covered in food - like his whole face, part of his sweater, and his pants. And he would only sit in his chair for so long before he started screaming, wanting to get out. It was getting later and later, and Louise had to leave for her orchestra practice. And Edouard was supposed to have taken his bath an hour before. Oh, là. I finally got the meal on the table, and then Louise had to leave and didn't get to eat before she went. So I was going to feed just the boys, but then I remembered that Edouard is allergic to gluten, and I wasn't sure if he could eat the sausages. So I had to make pasta for him. Meanwhile, Léopold is running around covered in food. At that moment, I was thinking what a HORRIBLE au pair I am. But the reality is that stuff like that happens even to the parents - it's just HARD to do everything at once. I did manage to get it under control in pretty short order. But I hope that doesn't happen again. Afterwards, I was looking at my carrot entrée that I had worked so hard on - the kids hadn't eaten very much of it. So I was kind of bummed about that. What a waste of time and energy! If I hadn't been doing that, things probably wouldn't have gotten so out of control. But later, the carrot salad was redeemed, because Caroline came home and was extremely impressed by it. She didn't even think that I had made it. Score! I had hoped to show her that I am taking the initiative to learn how to do some things, and I think I did. It made the craziness of the night all worth it.

So now I need YOUR help: I need your best French-like recipe ideas! Anything simple that you can think of - even ideas for entrées. I really don't want to have to ask Caroline every day, "What should I make tonight?" and I think she would prefer that I just kind of come up with things. If I was more creative, I think I could come up with things on my own. But I'm not, so I need everyone to pool their creative geniuses!

D'acc!

Ah, driving in France. What a great time I've been having. I really don't know what I was so worried about...it hasn't been difficult at all...NOT! Learning to drive a stick shift has been way harder than I ever dreamed it could be. I had this notion that I was going to somehow take a one hour driving course and then be an expert - or at least be able to venture out on my own and practice. Well, it wasn't until after SIX hours of driving courses that I was finally able to go out on my own with confidence (and by confidence, I don't mean that I didn't feel like I was going to crash the whole time; I simply mean that I was able to get the car out of the driveway and out on to the street without it dying). How could it be that hard, you ask? I'm not really sure either, but I think it has something to do with the roads here being insanely tiny, all of the signs being different, the ubiquity of the roundabout (pictured above), and the fact that my driving instructor was speaking French. The instructor was so funny. From the first day, he would randomly insert the phrase, "Up!" or "D'acc!" the whole time we were in the car. I really had no idea what he meant by that at first, and it sounded so hilarious, because of the tone of his voice and the way he talks (he's very upbeat). As it turns out, "D'acc," is short for "d'accord," which means "okay." I'm still not sure why he says, "Up!" all the time, but whatever. I did learn a lot of new vocabulary through this experience. Oh, and after a bit of reflection, I came to the conclusion that point mort (neutral) would actually be translated as dead point, not death point. Ha ha. What a difference a couple of letters can make.

So I wish you all could have seen me in my training - I looked like SUCH an idiot! I seriously thought I was a good driver before, but my opinion of myself has changed. This has been humbling, to say the least. The instructor was always saying, "Allez! Allez!" (Come on! Go!)...and he had to say it all the time and over and over again, because I was never accelerating fast enough. I was nearly always driving too slow, because, I'm sorry, but I don't feel safe rolling along at 70 kph on a tiny street where people are making turns with no stoplights. As I've said, the streets in France (and elsewhere in Europe, I'm told) are SMALL. In general, I feel like I'm going to get hit every time there is another car coming from the other direction. My brother Dave once told me that women's perception makes them think that things are closer than they actually are, so maybe it's that, but I think it's also that I'm not used to the small streets, whereas these speedy Europeans are. Oh, and in reference to the comment I made before about not knowing why it is necessary to signal on the way out of the roundabout: I understand now. In fact, I've been having so much trouble with the driving precisely because other drivers often fail to signal on their way out. When you are at a roundabout, the priority is to the left, so if a car is coming around it, you're never really sure what they are going to do unless they signal. If they don't signal, they may be going straight, in which case you can safely move forward, OR they may be turning in front of you but have forgotten to put their signal on. The goal at a roundabout is to NOT stop, but I haven't felt comfortable just barging through the intersection, because I've been feeling like I'm going to get t-boned. Thus, every time I would get to a roundabout (about every minute), I had no idea what I was doing - slowing down, stopping, going - so I would push the wrong pedals and the car would jerk or die and the instructor would say, "Why are you breaking?" or "Why did you do that?" and then tell me what I should have done, but I was so confused and unsure about what my goal was in the first place (i.e. stop, go, slow down), that his advice didn't really resonate. And it took me awhile to figure out that that was my problem. On Sunday, Christian (the dad) wanted to see my progress, so we went out driving. Oy. I let the car die right before a tunnel with a line of cars behind me, I ran a yellow light (red by the time I got through it), and the car generally jerked as I shifted gears. Needless to say, he was not impressed. When he came back, he made the pronouncement that I was not ready to drive their kids around. My not being able to drive has put a significant strain on the family, as bringing the kids to and from school and their various activities is a big part of my job. Earlier this week, I think everyone was despairing a little bit, thinking I was never going to arrive. Ah, but we were all wrong, because now, after a total of 11 (!) hours of training, I can safely call myself a successful stick-shift driver. I am going to take the car out this weekend to get in some more practice, and then I should be ready to start driving the kids on Monday. And everyone breathes a big sigh of relief.

Because of all of this driving practice, I've been busier than I should be and haven't had much time to myself (which is why I haven't blogged in awhile). I went through a bit of a rough patch over the past week and a half. I had been feeling like I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing, how I was supposed to be doing it, and like I was doing everything wrong. Add to all that the fact that I couldn't drive, and you have a recipe for discouragement. And, obviously, communication isn't always great when you're trying to do it in a new language. But as I said before, being "alone" and in the storm makes you realize that you're not actually alone. I've come to know the Lord in a deeper way as my Refuge, my Strength, my Strong Tower, my Shelter, my Hope, my Source...I've begun to pour my heart out before Him, and the fellowship has been so sweet. He hears my cries, and He has been my help with all of these things that have been going wrong. I know that I can do this - through Him!

I have a lot more to say, but not much time. This weekend I should have some more time, and next week, I hope my schedule will start to stabilize, and I will have a clear picture of when I have time off and when I can get my own things done. Until then, ciao!

My Bedroom

Louise made this sign for my door - "Bienvenue" means "welcome."



Doing laundry...

Léopold

Edouard and his Lego train

Final Law School Application

In true Deb-style, last minute.

Mom and Dad

I love you guys!

At the Airport

Rain and Other Fun Tales

Well, I think I've met my match in rainy Nantes. It rains all the time here! And by "all the time," I of course mean, "all the time." It rains HARD all day, every day. Well, it's not raining right now, I guess, but it has rained every day since I've been here. I love rain, so it's no problem for me. The only problem is that where there is a lot of rain, there has to be a lot of humidity. So my hair is a bit Borneo-ish (see 11/11/06 entry if you aren't sure what that means). I tried to tell my hair that it just needs to "adapt and overcome," but it insists that it's too Concrete-Sequential for that. Seriously, though, I really like this city. The beautiful Loire runs right through it, much like the Mississippi to Minneapolis. I will get some pictures up soon. I was finally able to figure out why there is no computer tower for the iMac. Tee hee. So I figured out how to plug my camera in to the USB port, BUT I wasn't sure what was going to happen if I clicked "okay." The instructions were all in French, and I didn't have time to figure it all out. I didn't want to inadvertantly save all my photos to their wallpaper and then not be able to fix it in time. So I am working on the photo issue; it's just going to take a little bit of time.

So I had my first driving lesson on Friday. Oh, boy, that was a fun time. I felt so stupid, like I was 15 years old and didn't know how to drive. The instructor had all the pedals on his side and everything! In the middle of the lesson, I just started laughing, because I felt so dumb. He pretended not to notice. He only showed me how to put the car into first gear and then switch between 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and "point mort" (I'm not sure how to say that in English, but it roughly means "death point," and it's when the gear shift is in the middle). Anyway, I don't think I'm going to have too much trouble learning. The roads are different here, though. They are a lot smaller, and then there are the infamous roundabouts. Apparently you're supposed to signal on the way out? Okay. But you're already on your way out, and everyone can see what you're doing...so what's the point?

So, my classes. In order to obtain my visa, I had to register for 10 hours of French language classes per week. My classes are in downtown Nantes at a huge school that has more than just French classes. I'm actually going to be taking the DELF exam in June. The DELF is a diploma that signifies your proficency/fluency in French. Having passed that is a great thing to be able to put on your résumé. So I have 3 courses - grammar, DELF preparation, and Civilization. By the end of my first day here (last Monday), I had already made some new friends. I have met girls from Italy, Germany, Lithuania, Mexico, Spain, the Czech Republic, China, Hong Kong, Britain...there are people from everywhere! Some of them (like the British or people who speak English very well) insist on speaking English with me. My French is actually better than most of theirs (there are three levels of proficency - I am at the superior level). For the most part, though, we speak French. The cool thing about making friends in a foreign country is that your common language is a lot less likely to be English and will more likely be the one of the country in which you are. So instead of being able to just fall back on English if necessary, you are forced to make your French work. Last week, some of the girls invited me to go out to a "boîte" on Saturday night (a nightclub). I turned them down, since I had to babysit, but I'm pretty sure our interests will differ in that area, unless they don't want to go out for the reasons most people do. We'll see what happens with that.

I have class again in five minutes, so that will have to be all for now. Ciao!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hello, United States (and Switzerland, of course). I of course am thinking of you all today, wishing I could be there with you all, but also happy to be here, despite all the unavoidable bumps in the road I've been experiencing. Let me just say...what a shock to go from hearing and speaking English all the time and seeing familiar surroundings each day to being completely immersed in French and walking down French streets! Crazy! And I love it!

After my arrival last Wednesday night, I was exhausted. I finally went to sleep about midnight. And I slept until what time the next day? Noon? 2 pm? No way - not late enough. I slept until 5:30 pm, which would actually be 10:30 am aux Etats-Unis. That evening began a series of days in which I felt as if I didn't know which way was up. I had no idea what I was supposed to do, and I could not understand the kids at all (especially Edouard, who is five years old). I felt again like I couldn't even speak French. Plus, Edouard seemed scared of me or something. I couldn't find a connection with him, which really bothered me. When I first saw his picture, I said, "He's going to be my favorite." And to my surprise, he was the one I couldn't reach. That may sound trite, but, having plunged myself into this whole situation, all I want is to do a good job. I want to bless this family and be a joy to them, not a burden! So I took it to the Lord in prayer. The great thing about being here (Sarah can attest to this) is that you don't have the option of just running to another person with your problems. And that causes you to draw near to God. So. I prayed and asked the Lord for some way to connect with Edouard. It seriously seemed impossible to me. That was Friday morning. Friday evening, I was here alone for awhile with Léopold (16 months old) and Edouard. Edourd was just sitting in the family room watching TV, which bugged me, since I'd rather be doing something constructive with them. But if I'm watching Léo at the same time, that can be difficult. I really wanted to go in and talk to him, but since I could barely understand him and he was wary of me, I was intimidated. But God opened up the door for me to walk in there anyway. I asked him if he was okay. He mumbled a response. He actually got up and turned off the TV, which surprised me, since normally when he and his older brother Arthur (8 years old) are in there, they don't want Léo or the dog, Adely, to come in. He started playing with a train made of Legos, and I asked him if he made it himself and then acted impressed. Ding ding! That worked like a charm. Suddenly he came out of his shell and exploded in conversation. This kid has an amazing imagination! We sat on the floor and played with the train for about 45 minutes. He was laughing and talking excitedly. I still missed a lot of what he said but was able to bluff my way through. At one point, I picked up a toy dinosaur and asked him what it was, wondering what the word was in French. He said, laughing hysterically, "C'est un dinosaur!" (pronounced DEEno-zaur). Then he said, "Dinosaur - c'est un gros mot!" (Un gros mot is a bad word). I found out later that dinosaur is not, in fact, a gros mot, but it was super funny! You know what else I think is super funny? The word super in French. It means the same thing, but it is HILARIOUS when the French use it in a sentence, because they're talking all nasally and French-like, and then all of a sudden, "...su-pare..." It's hard to explain in writing, but sometimes French sounds so funny, I just start laughing out of the blue. That draws some strange looks. So all that is to say that God heard and answered me! He cares about every detail of our lives. The Creator of the universe.

Oh, and that reminds me of another cool testimony. Right before I left the States, the Nuttings (Creationist scientists) were at church for 2 consecutive times. Although I find it interesting, I was hoping for one last good Bruce sermon before I left. But there was a reason for it, I know now. On one of my first nights here, there was also a baby-sitter, since I obviously didn't know the ropes yet at all. She is from the Czech Republic and is a former au pair for this family. She studies in Nantes and baby-sits on the side. So she and Caroline and I were sitting there having a conversation, and I think we were talking about religion and separation of church and state or something like that - the differences between the three countries, etc. Caroline knows that I am a Bible-believing Christian (in fact, I think the whole family knows by now, as much as the kids can understand). Caroline is also a Christian (Protestant in the most heavily Catholic region of France, the Loire-Atlantique). In that conversation, she asked me if I believed in creationism. I said of course. She was shocked that I actually believed it and said that she couldn't. Now without having had that refresher course from the Nuttings, I don't think I would have had a response other than, "The Bible says it; I believe it." In fact, that was my response, but I was able to add (and no, I didn't go off about fossils or rock layers in French), "If I can't believe the first thing that the Bible says, I see no reason to believe any of it." Both of them seemed to see my response as reasonable. And who knows what kind of seed that planted, you know? Praise the Lord.

Let's see...what else? Oh, so after the train-playing experience, Edouard and I are getting along better and better. He still doesn't like me at bathtime, but that's getting better, too. I love these kids. Sure, they have their faults just like anyone else, but they all have their unique personalities and special things that they do. Louise is 11 years old and very sweet. I always notice that she is careful to talk a little bit slower and enunciate for me. Also, she is great with Léopold. She is learning English at school this year, so I've been helping her with her homework. That has been a great bonding time. It's like having a little sister. She and I both have only brothers, so I think it's fun for her too. I've also noticed that she's a bit of a perfectionist, with which I definitely identify. She, however, doesn't wait until the last minute to do everything. She is very hardworking. Arthur, who is 8 years old, is very smart. He is one year ahead in school. He is funny and a bit mischievous. Practically every day, he comes up to me with such a look on his face, asking, "Peux-je prendre un bon bon, s'il te plaît?" He gives me the same tone of voice and look as a kid here would when they are asking for a piece of candy and saying, "Pretty please!"

So at the beginning of this week, the kids were always running around doing their thing, and I felt completely useless, since I didn't know what to do. Many of you know this about me, but if you don't, let me enlighten you. I'm not very good at figuring out how to do things on my own. I hate that about myself, and as much as I can, I try to "adapt and overcome," as the Concrete-Random type would, but, try as I do, I don't seem to have much success. I pretty much need you tell me 1) exactly what you want me to do, and 2) exactly how to do it. Well, as you can imagine, a momma with four kids and a full time job as a surgeon doesn't exactly have all day to sit around and shoot the breeze. So it's been a confusing, somewhat frustrating week. I've been feeling like I'm doing everything wrong. I know that I can't expect to be great at this right away (and I didn't think that I had that expectation before), but I kind of think they do. I know I can't read other people's thoughts, but you just get hints about stuff. Like apparently I'm supposed to be cooking the evening meals...uh, okay. But I don't cook French; I cook American (and by, I cook American, I mean, I sort of cook). Ugh. We'll see how that goes. I'll let you all know. If it was anything like yesterday, I don't have very high hopes. I was watching the kids (mainly Léo), and their dad was there, helping them with their homework. The housekeeper had already made the evening meal earlier (pot-au-feu) and left it cooking on the stove. All I had to do was turn the burner back on 30 minutes before we were to eat - simple, right? Uh, no. Turns out that the meat was tied up. It was like a tight net around the meat. I was trying to get that off, and it wasn't working out too well, so I took the meat out and put it on a plate. It still wasn't coming off, even though I was trying to cut it with a knife. So I had to grab it and manually pull it out of there (it was hot!). I was making a huge mess and probably looked like an idiot with my meager and futile attempts. All the while I was thinking, Please don't come in here; please don't come in here. I didn't want the dad to come in and see my incompetence at yet another thing! Argh. Thankfully, I got it all put back together in the knick of time. While I was doing this, I was trying to watch Léo, who gets into EVERYTHING! And most of it's dangerous stuff. Is that normal 16 month old behavior? I guess I probably did the same thing, but yeesh! Being a mom is hard, and I'm not even really a mom! Also, at the same time as I was getting the meal ready (and, keep in mind, I wasn't even actually cooking anything), I was trying to give Edouard a bath (which he doesn't like) and feed Léo dinner (a messy affair). Oh, là là. But I figure if I can survive that, I can survive anything, right? Hmmm, I don't know.

Oh, and one more thing: #10 on my to-do list never got done - learn how to drive a stick shift. Bad, bad. That has caused so many problems. So today I have a lesson with some guy. Great. I get to learn how to drive a stick shift in French from someone I don't know. I better go brush up on my auto terminology.

Well, that'll have to do for now. I offer you my sincerest congratulations if you've actually made it this far in the reading. I still have some more things to say about Nantes and my classes, but that'll have to wait for another day. I'm going to try to upload some pictures now, so you all can see my surroundings. A bientôt!

Yes, I AM here!

Ah, finally. I have time to post a blog. This past week has been crazy, and I really didn't think things would ever be "normal." But they are starting to come together.

So getting over here was a crazy adventure, as you can probably imagine. How can international travel not be crazy?

Last Tuesday, after 3 hours of sleep, I got up to finish packing and law school applications. Yes, I was finishing up my law school applications on Tuesday at 2pm, about 30 minutes before I was to depart for the airport. With respect to packing, my main problem was that each suitcase could hold only 50 pounds, and I was pushing it. After getting everything together, I hugged my brother Dan goodbye. That was the first thing that brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes. Then it was off to the house, where my other brother, Dave, proceeded to download music onto my iPod, much to the chagrin of my mom, who wanted to make sure I had enough time to get to the airport. My dad met us at the airport, and I finished my final application there, then gave it to my dad to mail. Could it get any more last minute than that?

My flight was to leave around 7pm, but it was a bit delayed. That worried me a bit, since I was only to have a 50 minute layover in Iceland to begin with. Argh! What if I miss my flight? But somehow, we managed to arrive in Iceland promptly at 7am local time (about 1am CST, I think). My next flight went off without a hitch, and we landed in Paris around noon local time (5am CST). At this point, I was extremely exhausted. All I wanted to do was sleep. But I had to find the train. Thankfully, I met a Hawaiian woman (Naomi) on the way off the plane. We helped each other collect our baggage, and a Parisian friend of hers was there at the airport to welcome her, so he directed me toward the shuttle to the train station. Somehow, I still managed to get lost, so I had to go to the information desk. My modus operandi at the airport was to approach an official and ask, "Vous parlez anglais?" It seemed better to make sure that I would understand the instructions. The airport people all spoke English, as I suspected. Then I made my way out to the bus. Up to this point, I had been toting my luggage (2 large suitcases of 50 pounds each and a small one of about 25 pounds!) around on a cart. But once I got outside to the shuttle, I had to take it myself. As the French would say, oh, là là! That was difficult. It was impossible to move it all at once. There is no way humanly possible to move 3 heavy unconncected suitcases at once (unless, perhaps, you're one of those huge guys who pulls semi trucks and stuff, and you can stack them). So I struggled with it for a few minutes, missing the first shuttle and having to wait for the next. I finally just lifted them one by one onto the shuttle. Then I connected them (but because of the weight, that didn't work very well). The shuttle arrived at the train station part of the airport, but I didn't know where to get off, so I got off way too early and ended up having to walk a long way. When I got off, I had no idea where to go, so a kind worker who saw my bewilderment asked me what I was looking for. I was feeling very tired and flustered and didn't trust my French, so I tried my "anglais" trick. No dice. He didn't speak English. To my surprise, I had no problem understanding his directions. He helped me put my luggage on a new cart, and I was on my way. When I got to the train station, I had to go down to the lower level, and carts were not allowed on the elevator. So began the constant unloading and reloading of the cart. Caroline had already reserved me a train ticket, so I paid for it and then sat down to wait. The train was to leave at 3:45pm, so I had to wait for over 2 hours. I didn't have a watch (and, in fact, am still without one), as I relinquished my cell phone at the airport, and that has been my "watch" for the past six years. I sat there for awhile, staring at the schedule. I couldn't figure out why my train number said it was going to Rennes via Massey, when Caroline had told me that I was going to be transferring trains at Le Mans - and then of course my final destination would be Nantes. I sat there trying to figure that out for awhile when it hit me: if you are transferring trains, you won't be going to the same place as the first one! Duh. Anyway, I learned a lot while riding the trains. I learned, for instance, that you get an actual seat number, unlike a bus or tram. So it's necessary to stand in the spot on the platform corresponding to the car number. Unfortunately, they don't seem to line up correctly in actuality, so you may end up having to run several yards to get to the right car. Some chivalrous guys helped me lift my luggage onto the train. Once on the train, there was absolutely NO place to put my luggage in the car itself. Taking Chris' advice, I didn't want to leave it alone, so I sat in the wrong seat so that I could watch my luggage. When the conductor (or whoever that guy is who checks your tickets) came, I timidly explained why I was sitting in the wrong place. He didn't mind at all. Then I settled in for the two hour ride, trying, but failing, to stay awake. Unfortunately, a bunch of weird, fortyish, rowdy men got on the train in pretty short order and proceeded to conversate boisterously for the remainder of the ride. The thing that really bugged me, though; was that I could barely make out what they were saying. At this point, I'm thinking, Man, my French isn't as good as I thought! As it turns out, I must have just been tired, because my comprehension (even of boisterous conversations) has been great (but more on that later)! Eventually, I got off the train at Le Mans. Then I had about 30 or so minutes until my next train. I carted my luggage from the platform down to the station, in search of a bathroom. This is where I learned the next sweet thing. I approached some officials that were standing at the bottom of the ramp and asked, "Est-ce qu'il y a une salle de bain?" She looked at me like I was crazy, looked at the other ladies, and then asked, "Une quoi?" So I repeated myself. She asked me, "Vous cherchez des toilettes? Un WC? Il n'y a pas de salle de bain ici." As it turns out, salle de bain is a term reserved solely for the room in your house where you shower, bathe, etc. And, in fact, in the house where I'm staying, the toilets (WC's) are separate from the sink, bath, and shower. Funny. So they agreed to watch my luggage while I made my way to bathroom, which I had to pay € .40 to use. It was definitely worth it, though. There are no bathrooms on the train, at least not in second class. I made it back up to the platforms in time, and the Nantes-bound train pulled in. From my experience that day, an annoucement would be made five minutes before a train's departure, and then again right before it left. The train pulled up, and I had to run to find my car, since it wasn't lined up properly. As I was still running (and slowly, with all that luggage), I heard, "Le train à Nantes va partir." I was waiting for her to add, "Dans 5 minutes," but she didn't. Uh oh. I jumped onto the nearest car with 2 of my suitcases (thankfully, another gallant guy who happened to be standing in the hall grabbed them for me). Then, as I was loading the other one, the doors almost closed on me! But I made it. I finally arrived in Nantes around 7:30pm. I got off the train not really knowing what to expect or what to do. I had assumed that Caroline would be there to pick me up, but I hadn't verified it with her exactly. I looked all around me and decided that I should try to get to the south side, which was the opposite of where I was standing. I made my way up there, expecting to see someone looking around anxiously for a girl in a purple shirt with purple suitcases. But there was no one there. I wandered around for about 15 minutes and then decided I should make a collect call to my dad, who would be able to check my email for a response from Caroline. Well, that didn't work. I couldn't figure out how to do it! I stood there for awhile longer, trying to decide what to do, when all of a sudden, I heard an announcement in rapid, muffled French. Mixed in I heard, "Mademoiselle Deborah Helm," pronounced the French way, that is, "Day-bo-rah Elm." So I knew someone was looking for me, but I had no idea where to go! So I went up to a police officer who was standing nearby and asked him if he had heard the announcement and where I was supposed to go. Of course I didn't understand his response, but he just kept pointing, so I started off in that direction, but aimlessly, and frequently looking back at him with a confused look on my face. So he relented and brought me over to the information desk, where I found Caroline! Hooray! Apparently she had been looking for me on the other side, since that's actually where I had gotten off the train. The info desk guy was telling her, "You've been here for 20 minutes...you should probably just go home. She probably missed the train from the airport. The next one doesn't get in until 1am...you want to make an annoucement? No, no. She's American? She's not going to hear that." Ha, info desk guy! I did. So there.

Caroline brought me home, and we talked the whole time (some English, some French). I met the kids, who are all SUPER cute - like cuter than their pictures! I think I weirded out Louise, the 11-year old, because, being a true American, I shook her hand. As it turns out, Europeans really DO do that kissing the air on the sides of the cheeks thing, even to people they don't know or are just meeting (although, as I've learned, that depends on the situation).

So that was my voyage here. I have a lot more to say (is that possible, you ask? She's not all talked out by now?), but my class starts in 13 minutes, and I'm not really sure where the room is, so I'm going to go on another fact-finding adventure.

Thanks to all of you who have sent me emails - if I haven't responded yet, I will. I just have had no time, as I will recount to you in my next blog. Oh, and I have some pictures to show you all, but I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to download them yet.

For now, au revoir!

And the countdown begins

I've spent the better portion of this day staring at, talking about, and rearranging my to-do list. I'm leaving in less than 48 hours, and I seem to still have an unreasonable number of items on my list. I did make some progress tonight, though.

My to do list

With no computer of my own in France, I'm going to have to go back to paper to-do lists. Whew! What an adjustment!

The Wild Woman of Borneo

It's not as if I have much to do before Tuesday...my to-do list only has about thirty items on it (many of which are loaded items like "pack"). But last weekend I still had a week and a half before departure date, so I decided to spend an hour and a half straightening my hair. Or, as I like to refer to them, the design team spent an hour and a half on it. The picture above is what I call the "lion" hair - because it looks like a lion's mane, of course. Other things that have been said about my crazy hair include "horse," "the Wild Woman of Borneo" (my brothers when I was little), and that infamous question, "Did you put your finger in a light socket??" (incidentally, that was also my brother). Well, after the design team (which consisted of Kara and Juli) went to work, I was the Wild Woman of Borneo no more...

After

The Design Team

Visa obtained

I got my visa on Monday! The story of my trip to Chicago is really a crazy one. I'm going to post about it later with some pictures. Also, I moved this past weekend. My departure date is fast approaching...12 days! I have a lot to do in the next several days, and before I know it, I'm going to be on the other side of the Atlantic.

Oh, and this has nothing to do with anything (other than it being part of my preparations), but I found a great website (there are lots of them, but this had the best deal on the shampoo I wanted) that sells big (like liter-sized) bottles of salon shampoo at discounted prices. Plus, they offer free shipping on orders of over $25 and 3 free samples with your order. Check it out for all your hair care needs. Of course, if you have normal hair that doesn't freak out over the smallest things, I suggest paying $1 for Suave brand. But if, like me, you have frizz, it's a great money-saver.

Christian baby has no official name

A Christian couple in Azerbaijan, a country that is 96% Muslim, have been unable to obtain a birth certificate for their now three month old son, whom they named Ilya Eyvazov. Why? Because Ilya is the Russian version of the name Elijah. Apparently they don't take kindly to Christian names (or Jewish names, since Elijah is from the Hebrew), although some officials have said it's foreign names of which they disapprove. You can read more about this story here.

The Score

So I actually got my LSAT score last Friday (earlier than expected). I haven't posted about it yet, because I guess it seems unremarkable. I don't mean that it's not a great score, because it is, and I'm happy about it. What I mean by unremarkable is that it was about the average score that I was getting on my practice tests, but it was not as high as I was scoring the last 3 or so weeks before the test. Without further ado, my score was a 166. If you are interested, you can read more info about scores here. A 166 is in the top 6%. It is a competitive score. However, the University of Minnesota's median score is 165. The U of M is currently my first choice school. I was hoping to blow their median out of the water by scoring closer to a 170 (top 3%). And I really wanted to have that "I'm on top of the world" feeling about it, if you know what I mean. But I realized that I don't need that feeling. The other thing I realized (actually, I think I already knew this, but it was reinforced in my mind) is that I don't have to obsess about things like LSAT scores, because if God is calling me to law school, He will make my way successful. Obviously, I'm going to do my very best...then the rest is out of my hands.

The test itself...it's kinda funny how it went. On my strongest section, logical reasoning (of which there are actually two), I got more questions wrong than I usually do. My weakest section (reading comprehension) went far better than I thought it had after leaving the exam. I pretty much rocked that section. And then the logic games, which was the last (and the most difficult for most people) was my best performance (one question wrong). I'm very pleased with my performance on the games section, because three weeks before the test, I was missing at least one, if not two, out of four games, which translates into 6-14 missed questions! For some reason, I could just not get the hang of these games, despite studying the techniques extensively. I came to the end of myself, and I asked God to remove whatever was blocking my mind from understanding these games. Most of you have probably already heard this testimony. Johnathan really likes the part about the "mental block," I think. Anyway, not even a week later, I was doing much better on the games (though I think my best performance ever was on test day). I came to the end of myself, I asked God for help, and He gave it to me! The most significant part of that testimony for me is that I really didn't give God the credit for giving me the ability to ace the games. I was just so happy to get over that hump that I didn't even think about the fact that I had asked Him to help me. He brought it back to my attention, though, a week or so later, when I scored very low on a practice exam. At that point, I was thinking, What will prevent me from doing this on test day? Then I remembered that I had come to this point before. I had come to the end of my abilities, and I had to rely on Him. I hope that I will keep that perspective for these next phases of my life. Maybe the test score is part of that.

To conclude, I am very pleased with my score, and I am eager to finish my personal statement and get on with the applications. If anyone has any bright ideas for my personal statement, I would not be averse to hearing them.

Comfort

"...God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every other name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Philippians 2:9-11)

I was feeling a bit distressed by some nasty things that are going on in our country and the world right now. See the quote from Paul above, which came from the Comforter.

Goodbye, Clampdown, LLC

Thanks to Pete for bringing this to my attention.

Clampdown Parking Enforcement put a boot clamp on my car in 2003, and I had to pay over $125 to get it taken off. Granted, I was parked in a bike shop spot and was patronizing Big Mike's (n/k/a Milio's), but I clearly had no idea that I was parked in the wrong spot. Almost all of the Big Mike's spots were open; in fact, the entire parking lot was relatively empty (I say relatively, because I've been back there many a time since, and it's usually close to full). I parked in the bike shop spot because I didn't know any better (and the week before, some of us had gone to Big Mike's after church, and that's where Pete had parked). Furthermore, there was no clear marker above the parking spot to show that it was exclusively for customers of the bike shop (which had long since closed for the day; this was about 10:30 at night). So obviously I didn't know that I was parking in the wrong spot, because if I had, I would have parked in one of the several open Big Mike's spots (unless I had been intentionally trying to invite the clamp and subsequent fine upon myself). As I was walking into Big Mike's, I noticed a man sitting in a vehicle. We stared at each other for a few seconds, and then I walked into the shop (there was no one in line), ordered my sandwich, paid, and walked back out, all in the span of about a minute and a half. And what did I find upon returning to my vehicle? You guessed it; the staring man, having a smoke next to my now-clamped vehicle. I tried to reason with him. "How can you do this? I didn't know I wasn't supposed to park there! See...there's no sign. And you were looking right at me on my way in...why didn't you say something to me??" His only response was a blank stare and a reiteration of the amount that I would have to pay him to get him to take the boot clamp off of my car. I continued my plea...I cried...I locked myself in my car and called my dad, then my brother, who actually came to my rescue and tried to reason with the guy too...all to no avail. He would not be reasoned with. He was going to get his payment, because, (ha ha!) he got me! He figured out a way to capitalize on people's mistakes (although I do understand that people do purposefully park in the wrong parking spots, and in that case, I think they deserve the ticket or clamp or whatever...but some poor college freshman who has no clue? Come on).

Well, this morning, the Minneapolis City Council voted 13-0 to revoke Clampdown's license, due to its history of violations and unpaid fines. You can read more about it here. Keep in mind that the MN Daily story does not mention the outcome of the vote - I had to call the city council's office to discover that. In additon, this is an older story about the illegalization of clamping in Washington state, but interesting nonetheless...

This blog would be incomplete, however, without mentioning the silver lining in the cloud of the clamping incident. It's not as if I still think and stew about that lost $125, but I was pretty upset at the time. I remember being at a loss for what to do. I wasn't going to give up my hard-earned cash without a fight. Even after I gave the guy the money, I was still trying to think of ways to get it back, and I didn't know what to do. I wanted a solution! My brother Dave said simply, "Well, the Bible says, 'In everything give thanks.' " Wow! After having walked away from the Lord four years prior, I had just two months before yielded my life to Him. Those Scriptures that I had known my entire life were now just coming alive when I would hear them. In that moment, it was like, Wow! The Bible does say to give thanks in everything. That means that right now I can keep complaining, or I can give thanks to the Lord! I love that, when God reveals something to your heart. It's no longer just an intellectual knowing, but a heart knowing. And you're just awed by it, by how utterly simple and profound it is at the same time.

Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! (Romans 11:33)

The other part of the silver lining? I'm really careful about where I park now.

Ticket fiasco and...I'm leaving in three and a half weeks!

I now have my ticket to Paris! But, let me tell you, that was not easy! I booked the ticket online at one of those cheap air fare websites, and they told me that my credit card had been declined. Well, there was nothing wrong with my card, so I called the next day and asked them to try it again. For some reason, they couldn't quite figure out how to do that. Finally, after two days of this, I was able to get in touch with someone who did know what they were doing, and they charged my card. But then they never sent my confirmation, and the next day when I called, they told me that my ticket had been cancelled! Yikes! I can't tell you how frustrated that made me, not knowing whether I had a ticket or not, and knowing that my credit card had already been charged. But now, four days and about 30 phone calls and emails later, I finally have my ticket. I'm still a little nervous that when I show up at the airport, they're going to say, "I'm sorry, but we have no record of this reservation," but I think I need to just recognize that as fear and not give into it.

I can't believe I'm leaving in three and half weeks! They started interviewing people for my job this week. That's going to be weird. Once I get in the groove of doing something, it's hard for me to just up and leave it. I feel as if I'm abandoning it. It was like that at (hee hee) Dairy Queen, where I worked all through high school and my first year of college. That's why I worked there for like five years! In fact, I never actually quit. As far as I'm concerned, I still work there (although I do believe they took me off the payroll). But when I left for college and stopped working there full time, it took me a little while to come to terms with the fact that someone else was going to be decorating the log cakes...I even had to leave a little chart there as to how they should be ordered in the display case. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, that chart is still in use (correct me if I'm wrong, Heidi). At my job now, among other things, I take phone calls from defendants in cases that our firm is handling. I talk to a lot of different people in any given week, and I always think it's funny when someone calls up and says, "Hi, Deb. This is John," and it could be anyone. I have no idea who it is and have to ask for a last name or file number. And my co-worker Jeremiah and I have this thing about making people call with our file number. It just makes it easier for us to look up. But there's this one defendant that calls about once a month. All he has to say is, "Hi, Deb. This is Sama," and I totally know who it is. I don't even bother to ask him for his file number, because I know exactly who it is, and I know he won't have the number on him anyway. So I'm sure for a few weeks after I leave the firm, I'll occasionally think about those defendants who call me often and with whom I'm on a first name basis. I'm actually on friendly terms with many of the defendants, even though you'd think they wouldn't be happy with the firm that's suing or has sued them and to whom they are in debt. However, I get along pretty well with a lot of them, and I like that. I'd rather not get into phone arguments with people all day, although that does happen. Anyway, those are just some random things that I've been thinking about lately.

LSAT update: I'll get my score on Monday! Time flies...

One month away

My departure date is now officially one month away. I'll be leaving for France on Tuesday, November 14. There's a lot to do between now and then - the most pressing of items on the list is to write my personal statement. Considering I'll be submitting my law school applications within the next two weeks, I should probably get on that. I'll be going to Chicago to get my visa - although now I think I'll actually be flying, not driving, and I'm going to be touring the campuses of Northwestern University and the University of Chicago Law Schools. It always was a dream of mine to attend grad school in Chicago - although I like the idea of staying close to home. We'll see what God has in mind. But first I need to decide exactly where I'm going to apply. More updates later.

LSAT = done

So I took the LSAT yesterday. It went really well, because the Lord was with me, and He gave me His peace. So no more studying. I really can't believe it. I've kind of been in a daze. I'm starting to remember what my life was like pre-LSAT. It's fun! I'm excited to spend the next month and a half enjoying my last few weeks with my family and friends before I depart for France. During the next few weeks, I'll be working on my personal statement and then submitting law school applications (I get my LSAT score in three weeks), but I'm going to have plenty of time to do more of what I wanted to be doing while I was studying...certain things that come to mind right now are evangelizing on the campus, spending time with the body, cleaning and organizing (sounds strange, but that's me), and going to the gym again. I guess at some point I'm going to have to move and pack and get ready to go, but I won't think about that quite yet. I think for the next few weeks, I'm just going to relish the fact that I am free!

Road Trip

Well, it's official. I have to go to Chicago to get my visa. So if anyone wants to hitch a ride down to Chicago, they should let me know. The visa section of the Consulate is only open from 9 am to 12:30 pm, and an appointment is required. So I'm probably going to be leaving around 4 am. I'll worry about that next week. Anyone who wants to tag along should tell me which days they have available!

The long-awaited 170!

I actually did it! I think I'm getting the hang of this LSAT thing. Plus, tonight I told the spirit of fear that it's not in charge; I have been given a sound mind! Aside from a few last minute preparations, I actually feel ready to take this test.

Sometimes new strategies aren't helpful

So I tried a new strategy on my practice LSAT today. It was to slow down a little in the reading comprehension section, since I tend to miss questions because I'm in a hurry. Bad idea. With 2 minutes to go, I had a passage with a scientific topic (ugh) that had 8 questions with it (as opposed to the usual 5 - 7). Needless to say, that wasn't a good strategy. I guess I'm glad I'm learning it now, rather than on test day, but I was hoping to get a very high score again today. As it is, I scored nearly perfectly on every section but the reading comprehension part, and I still only managed to achieve a 165. Live and learn.

Tonight's Score...

168. I'd be happy if I got a 168 on the real thing, which is next Saturday, by the way. Then I can quit blogging about LSAT scores and move on to something more exciting (and less stressful). My last four scores have been: 167, 165, 169, 168. My average is moving up. I haven't had below a 165 in awhile. More updates later...

169!

So I actually thought I had the coveted 170 (argh; no coveting allowed!), but it turns out that for this particular test administration, they removed one of the questions from scoring. So my score was actually a 169. But still. Now I know that I have the potential to reach 170. Updates on future scores will come later this week.

167

I finally broke the 166 tonight! Admittedly, it was only by one point, but you'd be surprised by how much of an encouragement that one point increase is. It gives me a reason to keep studying!

Right on track

September is flying by. I'm getting nervous, because I'm taking the LSAT on the 30th. Yikes! In a few minutes, I'm going to take practice test #10. My best score so far has been about 2-4 points lower than I'd like, which, of course, doesn't seem like much. But it can make a big difference to schools. So the studying continues.

In other news, I'm about to finally be able to get the contract that I need from the French government for my visa. It's been a process, but I'm picking up my documents from my translator tomorrow. I had to have several documents translated by a certified translator for the French government. That's not cheap, let me tell you. But if you ever need a certified French translator, let me know, and I'll pass along his name! Once I send the documents to the French government, Caroline should be able to get the contract, sign it, and send it to me. Then I'll send off for my visa. But I have to do it before October 1, because after that, they're changing the rules, and all visa requests must be made in person, which would mean I'd have to go to Chicago. So if I don't get it done in time...road trip, anyone?

I'll also be buying my plane ticket, probably next week. I think I'm going to be leaving on November 14...two months from today.

All right...study time! Let's see if I can break a 166 today!

My new house in Vertou, France

Can't wait to see it in person!

Paperwork

Paperwork, you ask? Yes, paperwork. I know that's not very edgy or exciting or original. But. That's what going on in my life right now. I'm still trying to muddle my way through the French bureaucracy and trying to figure out what exactly I need (various forms, etc.). It doesn't help when all your communication is by email in your non-native tongue. It's great practice, but it sure is time-consuming. And then there's letters of recommendation for law school, transcripts, personal statements, and about 15-20 hours per week of LSAT studying. Not to mention all the paperwork on my desk at work. I'll be glad when I'm finally there, in France, sans paper! Well, I'm sure there will still be some paper in my life, but hopefully much, much less.

On another note, here's a familiar passage that struck me last night (Philippians 1:12 -21):

Now I want you to know, brethren, that my circumstances have turned out for the greater progress of the gospel, so that my imprisonment in {the cause of} Christ has become well known throughout the whole praetorian guard and to everyone else, and that most of the brethren, trusting in the Lord because of my imprisonment, have far more courage to speak the word of God without fear. Some, to be sure, are preaching Christ even from envy and strife, but some also from good will; the latter {do it} out of love, knowing that I am appointed for the defense of the gospel; the former proclaim Christ out of selfish ambition rather than from pure motives, thinking to cause me distress in my imprisonment. What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed; and in this I rejoice. Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayers and the provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, according to my earnest expectation and hope, that I will not be put to shame in anything, but {that} with all boldness, Christ will even now, as always, be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

Paul's focus was the proclamation of Christ.


1 Peter 1:23 & 25:

…for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, {that is,} through the living and enduring word of God…And this is the word which was preached to you.

And the dog shall lie down with the guinea pig?

The Right Choice

I think I made the right choice when I decided to take this au pair position in France. I grappled with it a little bit, knowing that by taking the job, I was excluding myself from any other (non-au pair) position that could potentially come my way. As I've said, I felt like being an au pair (in a situation where I would be speaking French, not English) would be the best from the standpoint of a linguistic immersion. Also, I didn't know if there would be any potential internships coming my way. However, I did not hear the Lord audibly say, "Take this job." I prayed about it, asked the Lord to lead and guide me, and asked Him to close the door if this wasn't where He wanted me. And when I thought about taking this job, I felt peace. In addition, I haven't had to do very much to get this job. This family has been pursuing me. Things seem to just be falling in place. But still, there's that thought in the back of my mind, What if this isn't the right thing? What if you agree to take this job, and then something better comes along next week? That's where faith comes in, and, instead of merely rationalizing my decision with my intellect, I have to simply believe God. I need to not only believe that He's leading me and speaking to me, but also that He's not going to abandon me in France, even if I do make "the wrong choice."

Well, this morning I got what I believe is a confirmation from God. I received an email from one of my France contacts. He just got back from a vacation in France and had passed along my information to a lawyer friend of his. This friend said that occasionally they do hire interns/law clerks, but they are not paid (which, per my contact, is a common practice, as law clerks receive free training). He said, "...there'’s a possibility [and not with that firm - I'd have to find something else], but maybe not exactly what you had in mind." The email screamed (to me), "Not falling into place! Not working out!"

Decisions have never been my strong suit. My natural inclination is to intellectualize/rationalize until I'm sure that I've made the right one. I have to cover all my bases, make sure that I've thought through every angle. And it seems that I often come to that place where I've thought it through (over and over and over again), and I can't come to the "best" conclusion. I can't figure out what the right choice is. God has been teaching me that I need move forward in faith. And that faith is not in myself and in my own ability to save myself - because I can't! My faith is in God and in his saving grace. In fact, that reminds me of a Scripture. When I got born again (2/19/03), I began to devour the Scriptures. My mom gave me a Bible in the New Living Translation, and I really began to understand what the Scriptures meant. Philippians 3 was one of my favorite chapters. I especially like verse 9:

...I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God's way of making us right with Himself depends on faith.

Likewise, I can't put my trust in myself and in my own ability to make the right decision. Rather, I need to trust God to save me!

Finally

Finally. I received a response from Caroline today! She answered (almost) all of my questions, and we're getting the process started now. I have to send her a host of documents tomorrow, and she'll be getting me registered at a language school. Yes, in order to obtain the au pair visa, I am obligated to prove that I'll be taking French courses while I'm there. I already have a pretty good level of French (according to the native Francophones with whom I've spoken), and I'm going to be speaking French all day with the family (yay!); you'd think that'd be enough. I'd prefer to have the free time instead, but I guess I can't change the French government's policies. Anyway, I'm extremely excited, but I don't think it has actually sunk in yet. I think I'm waiting until I get the official offer letter from her, and then I'll actually start to think it's real. I can't wait to see my friend Sarah, and I'm extremely happy that she's made a new friend there! It really is a "coincidence" that we prayed for her at church last night (early in the morning Switzerland time), and she ended up going to church that morning and meeting a new friend. God had it all planned out. He directs our steps. Praise Him!

Ha ha

I'm taking a short study break. I know, I know. It's only been ninety minutes. I'm going back to it right now. But first, I wanted to post something that I thought was funny. God is funny. I was thinking about peace and not being anxious, and then I read today's "My Utmost for His Highest", entitled "Are you ever disturbed?":

"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you." John 14:27

There are times when our peace is based upon ignorance, but when we awaken to the facts of life, inner peace is impossible unless it is received from Jesus. When Our Lord speaks peace, He makes peace, His words are ever "spirit and life." Have I ever received what Jesus speaks? "My peace I give unto you" - it is a peace which comes from looking into His face and realizing His undisturbedness.

Are you painfully disturbed just now, distracted by the waves and billows of God's providential permission, and having, as it were, turned over the boulders of your belief, are you still finding no well of peace or joy or comfort; is all barren? Then look up and receive the undisturbedness of the Lord Jesus. Reflected peace is the proof that you are right with God because you are at liberty to turn your mind to Him. If you are not right with God, you can never turn your mind anywhere but on yourself. If you allow anything to hide the face of Jesus Christ from you, you are either disturbed or you have a false security.

Are you looking unto Jesus now, in the immediate matter that is pressing and receiving from Him peace? If so, He will be a gracious benediction of peace in and through you. But if you try to worry it out, you obliterate Him and deserve all you get. We get disturbed because we have not been considering Him. When one confers with Jesus Christ the perplexity goes, because He has no perplexity, and our only concern is to abide in Him. Lay it all out before Him, and in the face of difficulty, bereavement and sorrow, hear Him say, "Let not your heart be troubled."

Another verse comes to mind, in light of what Chambers said in the sentence that I put in bold text:

"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy."

-James 3:17 (contrasting wisdom from above with earthly, natural, demonic wisdom)

Back to studying!

Not sure exactly what's going on

I sent an email to Caroline with my many questions. That was on Wednesday, and I haven't heard back from her yet. I wonder if I scared her off? Oh, well. If that's the case, it probably wouldn't have been worth it anyway. If I don't hear back from her by Monday, I will send her an email to verify that she received mine. I really got my hopes up about this family, because they seemed to be a really good fit for me. However, if it doesn't end up happening, I know that God has better plans for me!

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 4:7-8

Lord, You know that I want to go to France. In fact, I believe that You have placed that desire within me. Thank You for knowing the plans that You have for me. You know that my timing to go to France would be soon. You have poured out Your grace on us, so I thank You for the grace to wait on You and Your timing. Thank You for Your peace! I will not be anxious.

Now it's time for me to go study. It's Saturday, so I have until about 6pm to study for the LSAT. Au revoir!

In Talks

I spent about 2 hours today (2 hours that I really don't have) working on an email to the woman with whom I've been corresponding (her name is Caroline). The email is a list of about 25 questions that sprang to my mind after receiving Caroline's offer email last night. Since I was writing in French, I had to work twice as hard to make sure that I didn't sound rude or presumptuous. Now I'm exhausted, and I just want to go to bed. But instead, I have to stay here at my office and work. But the hard work (at least for this step of the way) is over, and all I have to do is wait until she sends me the answers to all my questions, give her my final yes, and then wait for the contract to come (I have to have that before I can apply for my visa). If all goes well, I should be heading over there in November. I should know within the next few days.

I think I'm going to France!

Well, I didn't expect to be writing this post so soon, and maybe I should have waited until I knew for sure (I did give out the URL to a couple of people yesterday), but I'm too excited! I just received an email from the family with whom I've been corresponding in France. They say that I can come in November! The subject line of the email was "I have Gabriela's response" (that's the Czech au-pair). I was nervous when I opened it, because I thought that it was going to say that it wouldn't work out for me to come in November (not that that would have been horrible or anything). But here is text of the email:

chère Deborah, c'est OK, Gabriela peut venior du 23 septembre jusqu'en Novembre quand tu arrives. Donc pour notre famille c'est OK de t 'accueillir chez nous dés que tu peux. Les enfants se réjouissent. Regardes quel avion tu pourras prendre dès que tu auras le visa, envoie moi aussi l'acte de naissance , la photocopie du passseport, le diplôme d'étude etc..;peux-tu m'écrire maintenant pour me dire si c'est OK, ??

Ha ha. Try translating that using an online translator. A native French speaker typing a hurried email? Anyway, I emailed her back to tell her that I think I'm going to accept, but I need to talk to my parents and figure out a few more details first.

I think this is actually going to happen. Praise God!

First blog entry

I know, I know. Exciting title, huh? The purpose of this entry is to test out my new blog; thus, I couldn't think of a much better title for it than "first blog entry, " unless I wanted to call it "test blog entry." ANYWAY. I'm not sure yet when and if I'm going to tell other people that this site exists. I probably won't be posting on it much until I actually leave for France, although that could change.

Now. On to the purpose of the blog itself. I'm planning a lengthy séjour (in French, that means a visit or a stay) in France. I'm hoping to leave some time within the next three months. In fact, my friend Sarah just left three weeks ago for a year-long stay in Switzerland. She started her blog to keep friends and family updated while she is there. I thought that was an extremely good idea and planned to do it myself. Although I haven't left yet (and, in fact, don't know exactly when I'll be leaving or where I'll be going), I thought I would get the blog started now.

My reasons for wanting to go to France:

I studied French in college (and almost obtained a minor). I loved it. I became a proficient speaker/reader/writer, but aside from just learning new vocabulary (which I definitely need to do), I have become just about as good as I can here in the U.S. In order to become fluent in French, it will be necessary for me to spend an extended period of time immersed in the language. What better place to do it than in France? In addition, I want to travel and to experience a different culture and country. I'm young (22 right now) and unattached, so I can't think of a better time to go than right now. I've actually been wanting to go for about three years, but the timing has not been right. Three years later, the desire is still there, and I feel like the time is near. I've been praying that God would open the right doors and make it plain to me when I should walk through them. If the Lord doesn't lead me, I don't want to go. But I do feel that He is leading me to France!

My options as far as getting to France:

1. Register at a French language school and obtain an "internship" (read: full-time job that would pay like a full-time job but would technically be an "internship," since I would obtain a student visa [getting working papers in France is next to impossible for an American, especially for a short-term position and for someone without any real expertise]) at a law, public policy, or financial services firm. I currently have contacts that have attorney contacts in France contacting their contacts (whew!) to see if this might be possible.

2. Find an au-pair position.

Right now, I'm leaning toward option number two, which is definitely the easier of the two. If I were to get a job/internship, I would be required to find and pay for my own housing, as well as to find people with whom to speak French outside of my job (especially if I were using English in the workplace, which would be likely). As an au-pair, my room and board, schooling, and transportation is covered by the family. They also pay a small allowance (for instance, 90 euros per week) to cover other costs.

I have been corresponding with a family in Vertou (in the West of France, in the Loire-Atlantique region, very near to the city of Nantes). This family actually needs an au-pair to come right away, as their current au-pair just returned to her home country of Germany. I am not able to go until mid-October at the earliest, as I will be taking the LSAT on September 30 and then completing law school applications. The mother sent me an email yesterday to say that she had found a Czech au-pair that can come immediately and stay until the end of 2006, at which time I could come and stay until August 2007. As I was in the middle of writing her an email today to say that this might be possible but that I am going to continue searching for a family that would let me come around November 1, she called me from France! We had a nice conversation (in French), and she asked when I would prefer to come. I told her November 1, and she said that she is going to tell the Czech girl that she can come, but only for three months (meaning I could go in November). I'm waiting to hear back from her now, and I really hope that it works out. This family has four kids (a plus for me - the more kids, the more people there are with whom to practice my French), the parents are both doctors (thus, I know it will be a stable situation), and the family has been hosting au-pairs since 1995. Also, they would not require me to speak English in their home (a LOT of families looking for American au-pairs do; they want their children to learn English). Au contraire, I would be speaking French all day long. It seems like an ideal situation. If it doesn't work out, though, I know that there will be something better.

Well, this first entry has turned out to be pretty long, and I have a lot of studying to do before I take my LSAT next month. I will continue to post updates about my France endeavor, and maybe at some point, I'll give the URL out so that people can actually read it.