The Right Choice

I think I made the right choice when I decided to take this au pair position in France. I grappled with it a little bit, knowing that by taking the job, I was excluding myself from any other (non-au pair) position that could potentially come my way. As I've said, I felt like being an au pair (in a situation where I would be speaking French, not English) would be the best from the standpoint of a linguistic immersion. Also, I didn't know if there would be any potential internships coming my way. However, I did not hear the Lord audibly say, "Take this job." I prayed about it, asked the Lord to lead and guide me, and asked Him to close the door if this wasn't where He wanted me. And when I thought about taking this job, I felt peace. In addition, I haven't had to do very much to get this job. This family has been pursuing me. Things seem to just be falling in place. But still, there's that thought in the back of my mind, What if this isn't the right thing? What if you agree to take this job, and then something better comes along next week? That's where faith comes in, and, instead of merely rationalizing my decision with my intellect, I have to simply believe God. I need to not only believe that He's leading me and speaking to me, but also that He's not going to abandon me in France, even if I do make "the wrong choice."

Well, this morning I got what I believe is a confirmation from God. I received an email from one of my France contacts. He just got back from a vacation in France and had passed along my information to a lawyer friend of his. This friend said that occasionally they do hire interns/law clerks, but they are not paid (which, per my contact, is a common practice, as law clerks receive free training). He said, "...there'’s a possibility [and not with that firm - I'd have to find something else], but maybe not exactly what you had in mind." The email screamed (to me), "Not falling into place! Not working out!"

Decisions have never been my strong suit. My natural inclination is to intellectualize/rationalize until I'm sure that I've made the right one. I have to cover all my bases, make sure that I've thought through every angle. And it seems that I often come to that place where I've thought it through (over and over and over again), and I can't come to the "best" conclusion. I can't figure out what the right choice is. God has been teaching me that I need move forward in faith. And that faith is not in myself and in my own ability to save myself - because I can't! My faith is in God and in his saving grace. In fact, that reminds me of a Scripture. When I got born again (2/19/03), I began to devour the Scriptures. My mom gave me a Bible in the New Living Translation, and I really began to understand what the Scriptures meant. Philippians 3 was one of my favorite chapters. I especially like verse 9:

...I no longer count on my own goodness or my ability to obey God's law, but I trust Christ to save me. For God's way of making us right with Himself depends on faith.

Likewise, I can't put my trust in myself and in my own ability to make the right decision. Rather, I need to trust God to save me!